Does anyone else out there get tired of being the asshole? I sure as hell am done with it! I can't f'in win no matter what the hell I do! I am a complete and utter failure as a husband!

Seriously, I surprised my wife by being romantic and reserving a hotel room and setting up a bunch of candles and flowers all over and having a cranberry bubble bath in the tub. Good right? Nice surprise? NOPE! It was too damn expensive, we couldn't afford it, why did you do this, I told you not to...

During all this I planned a surprise party for her the following week to really surprise her (ya know, a week later) and it was fun, but I got the third degree for it because I spent a whopping $40 f'ing dollars on the damn thing!

WHAT THE FUH!?!?!

I get butt raped at work because they only freakin' scheduled me 14 f'in hours this week. I asked that I get called first if anyone needs to give up a shift. I got a call tonight with Allyson sitting right next to me and she overhears Darla say, "Hey Jere, it's Darla. I was wondering if you could work for me tomorrow..." and she pipes in, "Take it, you need the hours." I thought that was my decision! But, here's how this goes: if I don't do it then I'm a lazy bastard and she gets all shitty to me and becomes an agry piece of work, and trust me, you DON'T want to deal with my wife when she's pissed at you - she is down right mean and nasty!

Now I feel pressured to take the shift so that I won't have to deal with my bitchy wife. See, here's the thing. She is a school teacher, and a private voice teacher. She has a regular "9 to 5" type job - there are no surprises, it's the same every day, each week. I don't have that luxury so I plan around my days off. Yes, I am perfectly aware that this week I have FIVE days off, but nonetheless I plan things so that I'm not just sitting around the house bored to freaking tears. Like today for example. I went to lunch and a movie with Charisma. When I got home she was already here and she asked where I was and I said, "Out with Charisma" and immediately the back arched and it was tense. I however knew that I only spent $6.00 dollars on the entire event and knew that I couldn't possibly get in trouble for that! So after I had enough of her weirdness I said, "C'mon, I know you wanna ask me so just ask it!" "I'm trying to ignore it. But, how much did you spend?" "Six dollars." "How'd you do that?" Not, oh great! Nice job!

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She handles all the expenses. She pays all the bills. We have a joint account and she has her own account aside from our joint. When I expressed interest in opening an account through my job because it was a credit union and they have better rates and so forth she wouldn't hear of such nonsense and made it out to be a huge issue! Then what does she do? Opens her own damn account! WHY YOU ASK?? Because it was so she could get direct deposit through her school - it was easier!! DO YOU SEE WHAT THE HELL I'M TALKING ABOUT HERE NOW!!??!!?? I'M NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP!!!

Because she handles the finances she knows how much money is in all the accounts at all times so therefore she can stop off and pick up a new pair of shoes or go to lunch with the girls or whatever. If I want to go to lunch with a friend all hell breaks loose and I'm making us go bankrupt or something!

The whole new shoes thing is because she put it on a store card, not a credit card. What the hell difference does it make?!? We still have to pay that shit off sometime don't we? What difference does it make what card it's on!?!? So I confront her on the issue and say, "Well fine then, can I open up a card somewhere so I can go shopping or get new shoes when I need to?" But her response is, "I don't go shopping that often..." WHO THE HELL CARES?!?! I've been asking for brown shoes to go with my kakahis for a while now and do I have them yet? NOPE!

Which leads me to Sunday. I got up, and ready for church and I was wearing my kakahi pants, white shirt and tie and put on my black shoes and it looked six shades of hideous and so I put on my sneakers instead. Yes, I agree, it looked a little wierd, but it wasn't like I was going to stop traffic by my outfit. But, I knew it would be an issue for her so I bit it in the ass and said, "I know these shoes probably aren't the best choice, but I don't have brown ones, and the black looked horrible." Then she made me feel like shit and I thought to myself, Ya know what? If people are gonna be that judgemental about my damn shoes then fuck them! Church shouldn't be a g-damn fashion show! So I said, "Forget it, I'm not going!...No, if it's that big of a deal then have a great time, I'm not going." And so I cleaned up the house instead. Church is over at 4pm. My wife didn't get home until close to 6pm. Hmm? Angry with me? You betcha!

I'm tired of failing all the damn time! I'm sick of being the fuck up in the relationship! I'm done with being an incompetant idiot all the time. I'm so done with all this bullshit! ALL OF IT! All I am is wrong all the time. All I am is a thorn in my wife's side. All I do is frustrate and cause tension for her. All I am is worthless! It's just not worth it any more! I know that I'm messed up in the head, but I know that not all the problems are my fault! I know that my wife isn't as perfect as she'd like the world to think she is! She has some SERIOUS control issues and she makes me feel like shit so much of the time and I HATE IT!!! I FUCKING HATE IT!!!

I AM DONE!!

DONE!

Written by Jere at 10:22 p.m.