You know that point that you reach during the rehearsal process of a show where you think everything sucks, you suck, everyone hates you and you hate them, and you're embarrassed to even be a part of the show...?? Welcome to my world. It all came crashing down on me last night as we were running the show. I suddenly realized that I have no business being in this show! I'm still shakey on my lines, and I can't do the stupid ass hat dance for the life of me! UGH! I got so pissed and embarassed yesterday that I just left rehearsal. We had finished running, we had notes and I was humiliated in front of the whole cast about my lines. SHOCKER! I knew it was coming so I was pretty prepared, but it still sucked! I doubt I'll ever do a show at Hale again. Not because I wouldn't want to, but because they wouldn't hire me back I don't think. (tear)

So, after the run the four of us hat guys were asked to stay and "fix" the dance. NOT HAPPENING! So we worked, and worked, and worked, and worked. Then Brent (choreographer) sent us upstairs to work on it without the pressure of people (him included) watching. We must've done it 40+ times - NOT KIDDING!! Seriously, we did it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and I think you get my point. There was A LOT of rehearsing going on. It never got better and finally I said, "Guys, we're doing this one more time and then I'm going home." We did it again, someone dropped a hat, we stopped, I left. As I was coming down the stairs looking for my folder so I could go Brent goes, "Did you guys get it?" and I said, "Almost." and kept walking. He said, "Wait, I want to see it." and I said, "Oh, well...that's not gonna happen tonight." and I turned around and left. I couldn't find my folder and so Noe helped me find it - it was in the Greenroom. I picked it up and left. As I was walking out the asst. choreographer Maryann yelled out, "It's okay Jere, I love you!" then I heard her say to the other three guys, "It's cool, we'll just go over it real quick tomorrow before we start the run. No problem." I drove home pissed at myself for being such a dumbass and my mind wouldn't stop so ofcourse all the problems in my life were because I'm a dumbass and so forth and so on and it just got worse and worse until I was compeletely and totally depressed and wanted to call Dave and quit the show because let's face it, I'm a big quitter in life and in everything I do.

UGH!

So this morning I've been here at work and there've been NOT A SINGLE CUSTOMER all morning so I've been working on my lines. I think I've got them, but we'll see what happens tonight I guess.

Another thing that's on my mind and bringing me down is this whole work situation. Meaning, I love my job, A LOT! It rocks! HOWEVER, I suck at it and there aren't any sales coming my way and therefore I'm not going to make my $5000 budget and therefore I'm not going to get my commission check. So basically I've been working full time for $7.00 an hour and I'm having $400 taken out of my check per month so that Al and I can have insurance. So basically, if you do the math, I'm only bringing home $720.00 per month BEFORE TAXES! UGH!!

Gotta run - a customer! WOO HOO!

Written by Jere at 11:10 a.m.