Tonight I have a SLEW of people from the ole Bashas coming to see us! Ugh! Now that they've added a whole other riser it's made us lose 4 feet of our performance space. NOT COOL! The space is already cramped so why in the hell would she take four more feet away from us when it was already cramped!?! So I'm a little bugged about that and nervous because the audience will now be uncomfortably close as opposed to just close - now they'll be litterally in our face! So I'm not sure how that'll work out, but it should be just fine.

I'm so excited because there are a lot of them coming that have never seen me in anything before, and two of them who HAVE. So I feel like I really gotta kick some ass so they'll keep coming out to support me. Ya know? Plus, there's another Zoni Judge coming tonight. My mom and sister, and a handful of friends are going to be there too which is nice. I love having my mom in the audience every night! She's NEVER done this before and it really means a lot to me! It's just so great that she loves the show so much that she's willing to fork out the cash to come every time, AND tell a bunch of people from the police station to come too! Holy cow! She's really a great P.R. lady for me - HAHAHA! I should pay her for getting the word out about the show.

I'm surprised by the lack of family that have come from the Shum side. I've sent out mass emails like three times now and they all acted as if they were coming and expressed interest in coming when we had the family barbeque several weeks ago. Hmm, maybe the "innappropriateness" of the show has scared them away. Ah well, their loss. It's really so damn funny and the music is great, and it's perfect for the non-typical musical theatre person because there's no story, it's just a bunch of little scenes and situations that everyone can relate to. Dating, sex, marriage, kids, in-laws, getting old and so on. It's really the greatest show! I'm having such a ball doing it and I'm sad that in just two days it'll be all over. Luckily I won't have too much time to be depressed about it because rehearsals for The 12 Princesses start on Tuesday, June 1st as well as the kids summer workshop which I co-direct.

Holy cow I'm going to be crazy busy until August! I'm going to be doing the kids workshop and rehearsing Princesses, and once that hits the theatre I start rehearsals for Little Shop of Horrors and I'll be starting my job at Chase begining of July too! Holy crap! So I'll be working all day, performing at night, rehearsing Little Shop at night, working in the morning, performing Little Shop at night, and then on closing night of Little Shop it's my birthday and then I have Sunday off to do NOTHING! Woo-hoo! Then it's just full time work all the time. I am a little sad that I won't be able to go to San Diego any more too because of the new job. Boo hoo! Ah well, adulthood and responsibility are more than vacation I guess. I hate being a grown up!

Just got off the phone with Sue Anne and she was asking me if I was going to do the show and I said, "Umm, I don't konw at this point." Not the right answer. HAHA! She got all crazy on me and told me that they needed to figure out casting and replace me before Tuesday so she needed to know right then and there if I were going to do it and went on and on about it and I was all, "Well, financially we can't afford to spend $117.00 to do it. I didn't realize that it was going to be so expensive at the time of auditions so we're trying to work it out right now and I'll get back to you." Then she got all high and mighty and told me that if I were just to ask for her help she'd scholarship me, but I would have to ask her and then waited there silently until I did. That bugged me. It put me in a horrible position. She holds all the power and instead of letting me be the adult and try to work it out and so forth she just stepped in and now has it in her mind that I OWE HER because she's doing this for me and I don't like that. Someone doing something nice for you out of the goodness of thier heart is one thing, but doing something for someone just so you can hold it over their head and use the, "you owe me" attitude is not! Does that make sense? Her track record has proven that her intensions in doing something like that are the latter of the two which puts me in an uncomfortable and awkward situation which I am not okay with.

I have the same type of reservations with the workshop. Like the whole "Nicest Kids" number. I was told to do all this work on it, and so I did and then was told that never happened. So I have no leg to stand on. She went and did it her way and I was forced to just accept it - end of discussion. Well, that's not really a discussion then is it - not when your told what was said and what wasn't said, and therefore, this is what's going to be happening now... Ya know? It's just a hard situation to be in working with someone like her.

Then, on the other side of it is, I love her. She's done so much for my wife and I and she was our voice teacher back in the day, she's given Al these incredible opportunities to direct and teach and she's given us roles in shows and she really is a good lady. Yes, she's flawed, but who isn't? It's just hard dealing with her because I don't know how to just yet. She's very intimidating and unapproachable and never wrong. She'll take the credit if something is good and is working, but she'll blame everyone else if it's not. She never makes mistakes, and can't ever say, "I'm sorry," or "I was wrong," so that is frustrating to deal with.

I don't know! I just don't know. And that's the hardest part for me. I never know her mood and I don't know her real meaning in things all the time and I don't like to be put in that position of being wrong because she makes your life hell and treats you so horribly until you grovel and beg her forgiveness and I just can't deal. That's why I got the hell out of there last semester! I couldn't be around her dysfunction any more. I have enough of my own insecurities and trauma and to have her issues and dysfunction and such to deal with as well was too much for me so I stopped hanging out in the music office, I stopped spending luches in there and I found a deeper bond with Tina and that pissed Sue Anne off even more. She started talking shit about me, my abilities and responsibilities as a husband and provider and all sorts of other shit and I therefore completely removed myself from the department altogether. It was so nice to not be involved. My fear in going back to MCCool is that I'll get sucked into the vortex and never get out. I have to go to "real school" or I'll die! I just want to focus on my musical theatre training and get a degree in that and just have the 9 - 5 to pay bills in the mean time. Then, in three or four years make the big jump to NYC. That's what I really want to do with my life, now I just have to figure out how to make that all happen.

Wow, I feel so exposed right now. I chatted about some of my major issues in a non-bitchy way and pointed out the positives as well. Way to go me! Therapy! All I can say is therapy! HAHA! Oh, and I still love Diana!!

I LOVE DIANA!!

Written by Jere at 11:19 a.m.