So I got some hot gossip at work yesterday. Someone's pregnant although I'm sworn to secrecy about who. However, the person that told me has the hugest mouth this side of the Mississippi and I watched her tell THREE other people after she told me, "...nobody knows...don't tell anyone..." How lame is that shit? So yeah, Le.... got knocked up by ....! Oh wait, I'm not supposed to talk about it or tell anyone! Damn me! It's all good, no one from work even knows I have this journal so it's all good. And besides, who doesn't already know anyway is going to find out soon enough. Being pregnant is not something a 70 pound girl can hide for very long. I was amused by her big, baggy sweatshirt she was wearing tonight because she was "cold". Let me again point out that it was near 80 degrees here in Mesa this day. NO WAY she was "cold". C'mon, you gotta be a little smarter than that. Anyway, she's a great girl whom I love and adore and I wish nothing but good things for her and Robert. I hope everything works out for the two of them. Gosh, I've been married for nearly two years already, and the thought of being a parent is still rather scary. Don't get me wrong, I want to have two beautiful daughters and a son, but I just don't think I'm ready for that yet. Only time will tell I guess, but to be forced into that situation is a whole 'nother thing. Yikes a hootie! But, I guess if you're going to screw around (no pun intented) you willing take on those chances. Robert was telling me this afternoon as we shared a break together that they're planning a wedding for June. Hmm, she's already two months along...so she'll be approx. 7 months pregnant as she waddles down the aisle. Married in June, baby in August. That'll be one her kid will have to defend all thier life once other kids figure out the math. I only hope that she delivers on August 7th because that's the GREATEST day of that whole month, and practically the whole damn year for that matter! You guessed it, my birthday! I'm a Leo. Yeah, like you couldn't tell THAT or anything.

So there you have it. A fun piece of juicy gossip for you brought to you by Trojan Condoms. Sorry, that one couldn't be helped!

In other gossip related news...Sean the creepy, I wear my sunglasses at night guy got fired! FIRED! Rumor has it that he was stealing the free turkey coupons and milk coupons and redeeming them at other stores. How lame is that! I just don't get the whole, "it's okay to steal" mentality. Really, it's fascinating to me. I'm so glad that's not one of my hundred issues in life that plague me daily.

Random jump here - I was nearly harpooned at work the other day! Seriously, I now know what those poor whales go through. I leaned across the plastic bag holder thingy to put a gallon of milk into a lady's cart and the pokey outty bar thingy poked into the side of my stomach and I nearly passed out from the immense pain I was in! Yikes!

Okay, so that story didn't translate so well - hmmm, another good reason to not do stand-up: I SUCK at telling jokes! I can't retell funny stories or experiences worth crap so I'd just be up there sucking. I'd be one of those really crappy comics you see who think they're funny and they laugh at their own jokes and whatnot, but really nothing they say is funny and the audience only lightly chuckles out of courtesy as to not hurt the comics feelings. You know exactally what I'm talking about!

Funny things happen to me all the time but I just suck at retelling them. Here, I'll try again. So one of my two favorite carryouts was standing at the foot of my register this afternoon working ever so diligently and I decided to "help" her by bagging a cake. She had already gotten to everything else, only this cake was left. So I gently and carefully picked it up and placed it gingerly into a bag and then as I was removing the bag from its holder thingy and as I'm handing it over the cake tips over onto its side and Caroline's face lit up to like fire engine red and she burst out laughing (as did I). The lady didn't notice and I said NOTHING as to not alarm her and we both ended up nearly peeing our pants and passing out from the tremendous amount of laughter we were quietly holding in. I have a very loud, obnoxious laugh, and for me to laugh and have NO sound whatsoever come out is quite the deal. It was hysterical and you'll just have to trust me on this one.

See? I suck! But, I had to make an attempt at it for Vicki & Caroline's sake. Hope you're happy girls!

Until next time...

Written by Jere at 9:51 p.m.