My wife is CLEARLY cooler than me. This comes as no great shock to me, but let's keep this strictly to numbers people. She has had 2,554 visitors since December. I have had 2,435 since January. I have the cool gold membership - she doesn't. I have a cool Broaday layout - she doesn't. It's because she'f way funnier than me, and she doesn't write about EVERYTHING in hers like I do so it's worth the read. People come to mine and they read things like, "Oh, I gotta poop now," or "I watched television for a record six straight hours today," or other assorted lame-ass-who-gives-a-shit type of stuff. She writes and it's like hysterical! She's witty and can retell a story. She'd make a good comedian because of that alone. I CANNOT retell stories - I suck at it really really bad, therefore I could NEVER do stand-up. Not that I'd want to either, I'm just saying.

In other news, Tracie had a flat tire and we were pretty freakin proud of ourselves for making the amazing progress that we made. But let's be honest, who are we kidding here? ME changing a tire - ME! HAHAHAHAHA Yeah, so it was an interesting little adventure. It only took us like 40 minutes to figure out how to get the damn tire from under her truck. (Editors Note: There were two pole thingys and a hole and a lot of cranking and a flashlight involved - it wasn't as easy as we thought it should've been.) Then proceeded to yank off the bolt cover thingy on the actual flat tire and THAT was hard as a bitch to get off. THEN we had to unscrew the bolts and can we just say herniah!? Oh shut up, I know I spelled it wrong, but you know what I was talking about - sheesh! Anyway, the guys at the shop have a powertool to put those suckers back on after they service your tires and whatnot. We had that wrenchy iron thingy and our inner strength. THAT was comedy at its finest right there! I'm sorry you all missed it. Seriously, that would be the million dollar prize winner if we were secretly being filmed. Two fat asses laying in the road trying to get under Tracie's truck and figure out what the eff we were doing. Anyway, we read the instructions like a mere sixty times and STILL couldn't figure out where the hell to put the damn jack as to not lose a limb should there be a freak accident and the car falls on our heads and we should die. Like over an hour passes and she's WAY LATE to throw her paper route. One thing I've learned in my life is that when Tracie's pissed you just say, "Yes maam" and get the hell out the way. This tire/jack thing was getting on her nerves and she had had enough so she whips her phone out, calls Dabney, asks if she could use our car, and off she goes in our Sonata to throw the route. She managed to calm down as soon as she was off the phone. There's nothing worse than having trauma that you're trying to explain over the phone and the person you're talking just doesn't get it and then proceeds to get angry at you for not understanding what you're talking about which in turn makes your blood pressure rise and things just get uglier from there on. Ugh!

Everything must've worked out though because the plan was for her to use our car for the route and then her and Dabs were coming back here to fix her car and whatnot and this afternoon it's gone. So Dabs must've been the man his little body has inside it and fixed it for her - or they called a tow truck.

Moving right along here, in less than two hours my wife begins the audition process for Secret Garden at MCCool. I'm so excited for her and a bit nervous. I thought about going to watch the craptastic event first handedly, but I'm not auditioning and don't really want to be stuck there ALL DAMN DAY because I can't help her anyway - Sue Anne won't let me so I don't think I'm going to go. I know me all too well, and I'm sure I'll get really bored, really fast and it'll just get ugly. Maybe I'll try and rent Connie & Carla instead. I have class tonight at 7pm anyway so maybe Nate could pick me up. I'll have to see what his schedule looks like and so forth first before I just assume anything. Okay, well, I gotta poop so I'm gonna go for now. I'm sure I'll have more to say later and I'm DYING to get the call back list results and so forth!! WOO HOO!!

Until next time...

Written by Jere at 12:01 p.m.